Courage
by Cadence Black
Summary: REVISED. Sometimes, we all struggle with a desire for perfection: no one more than Hermione Granger. Warning: mentions character death and selfharm.


**Courage**

**Songfic to the Superchick song 'Courage', the song is really an amazing song and this story will mean SO much more to you if you listen to that song while reading it...anyways, enjoy!**

"Merlin, look at how FAT I am," Hermione groaned as she looked into the mirror, critically analyzing herself. She sucked in her stomach and looked at herself expectantly, then, realizing she looked no different, released it with a puff of air.

Ginny sighed and turned the page of 'Witch Weekly'. "You are not fat," she declared, turning the magazine to squint at a picture of a pretty, smiling witch modeling a new style of robes. She tutted and laid the magazine down. "You look beautiful. Everyone thinks so."

Hermione just looked back at the mirror, smoothing her top and sucking her stomach in again, just trying to feel thin.

_"I told another lie today_

_And I got through this day_

_No one saw through my games"_

Hermione stared down at the wonderfully-smelling food on her plate. It looked delicious, but still, she just pushed it around with her fork.

Molly looked over at her, concerned. "Hermione, dear," she began, and pursed her lips thoughtfully. "Do you feel alright?"

"I feel fine," chirped Hermione. "I'm just not all that hungry. I ate a LOT earlier."

Next to her, Ginny glared suspiciously. "'Mione," she hissed into her ear, "you barely ate anything earlier."

"So what?" Hermione whispered back, shifting uncomfortably.

Ginny gave her a Look. "So," she continued, "you MUST be starving."

Hermione just glared at her.

_"I know the right words to say_

_Like "I don't feel well," "I ate before I came"_

_Then someone tells me how good I look_

_And for a moment, for a moment I am happy_

_But when I'm alone, no one hears me cry"_

"Hermione!" shouted Janice, a Ravenclaw girl whom Hermione had spoken to in the library on several occasions. She turned slowly, and smiled at Janice weakly. Janice barely noticed, however, and grinned at her with abandon. "Good summer?" she asked cheerfully.

Hermione winced slightly. "Yeah. It was...alright," she said.

Janice grinned again. "Well, I gotta run," she said, and then took a closer look at Hermione. "Say," she said, "you sure you're okay?"

"Just peachy," Hermione said, and then gave a forced laugh. Janice gave a slight laugh, as if she was laughing at something that wasn't really all that funny at all. The she turned and walked off, waving to Hermione as she did.

Hermione sighed and leaned against a wall. "Bye," she said, and then wrapped her arms around herself. She was suddenly very, very cold.

_"I need you to know_

_I'm not through the night_

_Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light_

_I need you to know_

_That we'll be ok_

_Together we can make it through another day"_

Ginny stood at the door to Hermione's dorm. Currently she was the only one within, and was just lying there.

"Hermione," she muttered, and Hermione's head rolled to stare at her lethargically.

"What," she whispered, and Ginny saw just how terrible she really looked. There were bags under her eyes, and she was very, very pale. Her cheek bones were hollowed, and gone was the light in her eyes and the color in her cheeks.

"Hermione," she cried. "Look at you! You are sick." She shuddered, feeling for her tragically underweight friend.

Hermione blinked, and her glassy eyes were unfocused as she stared into what must have been the abyss. "I'm fine," she stated, but the words were slightly slurred, as if she was just moments away from passing out.

Ginny moved towards her friend. "When is the last time you ate," she asked, her lower lip trembling.

There was that blink again, and that glassy-eyed stare. "Just a couple of days," she said, turning her head back towards the wall.

Ginny just shook her head, turned, and left the room.

_"I don't know the first time I felt unbeautiful_

_The day I chose not to eat_

_What I do know is how I've changed my life forever_

_I know I should know better"_

Hermione sighed, flopping down on her bed. She no longer felt the urge to do homework, or even to socialize with her friends. She had found lately that she had next to no energy. But she was thin, and really, that was what counted.

Right?

She heard a creak that told her someone was entering the room. The ensuing silence and a heavy, almost painful feeling in the air further alerted her that the 'someone' was Ginny.

"Hermione," Ginny said, pain evident in her voice, "you need to eat something."

Hermione visibly stiffened. "I'm fine," she said, but it was very clear that she was not.

Ginny's eyes moistened, and she knelt beside Hermione's bed. Hermione just lay there, crying silently. But neither of them said the obvious.

There was no need.

_"There are days when I'm ok_

_And for a moment, for a moment I find hope_

_But there are days when I'm not ok_

_And I need your help_

_So I'm letting go"_

Hermione sat in class, barely able to keep her eyes open. She was...so...tired...

Harry leaned over and poked her in the arm. "Hey," he whispered.

"What," she asked crossly, opening her eyes to glare at him. He backed off a bit, but still looked at her, concerned.

"You're falling asleep. Now normally, I wouldn't discourage it in a person, but since it's you..." he trailed off, still staring at her as if she were a specimen in a cage.

Her head shot up, and she shook slightly. "What do you mean," she asked nervously, her shaking hands twisting and nearly convulsing with fear.

Harry looked at her oddly. "Nothing," he answered, and she calmed a bit. "It's just...not like you, is all."

After that, she calmed considerably. "Oh," she muttered, and dropped her eyes back to her desk.

Dropping his own eyes back to his notes and tuning out the insistent tone of Binns' droning, Harry began to write a letter. As he wrote, he couldn't stop his eyes from darting back over to Hermione.

She was fast asleep.

_"I need you to know_

_I'm not through the night_

_Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light_

_I need you to know_

_That we'll be ok_

_Together we can make it through another day"_

Ginny opened the note from Harry and scanned it. 'So,' she thought, 'he's noticed that there's something wrong, too.'

She folded the letter and placed it carefully in her Defense book. Pulling out a fresh sheet of parchment and a quill, she began to write.

**'_Harry,_'** it began:

**'_Yes, I've noticed that there's something wrong. In fact, I'm surprised you haven't noticed until now. Though you never were the perceptive type, I suppose_-'**

She stopped abruptly and blushed. There was no way she could send THAT. She began again.

**'_Harry,_**

**_Yes, I had noticed that something was terribly wrong with Hermione. The only thing I'm NOT sure of is how to approach her. But I know this, Harry. She is sick. So sick, she could die if we don't help her. We have to help her, Harry. She can't die. She just can't._'**

Ginny realized by the end of the letter that she was crying. She wiped her tears away, then walked to the window and sat, staring up at the night sky.

'If there is a god,' she begged, 'or if any entity is listening now, hear this: my best friend is in trouble. She needs help. And by Merlin, I will do ANYTHING in my power to help her.'

The tears began to slide down her cheeks again, but this time, she let them lie, and just watched the stars.

_"You should know you're not on your own_

_These secrets are walls that keep us alone_

_I don't know when but I know now_

_Together we'll make it through somehow"_

Ginny looked frantically around the common room, as Harry and Ron came running.

"What-is-it-" Ron panted, as he and Harry both starved for breath.

"She's not here," Ginny said, panicked. "She's not -anywhere-. She's just...disappeared!"

Ron looked at her, puzzled, but Harry knew what she meant in a moment.

"Hermione," he breathed, and Ron looked at him with nothing but confusion in his brown eyes.

"What are you talking about," he demanded, and both Ginny and Harry glared at him impatiently.

"No time," said Harry, and dashed upstairs to his dorm, presumably to retrieve the Maurader's Map. Ron stared after him, and then looked back at Ginny. "Explain please," he asked, but Ginny brushed him off as Harry dashed back downstairs.

"She's in the Astronomy Tower!" he yelled, and jumped the rest of the way down the stairs. They set off at a dead run, fueled by nothing but adrenalin. Ron had no choice but to follow.

It felt like it took ages to reach the Astronomy Tower. Looking around, they saw Hermione in no time.

She was standing on a ledge, poised to jump.

"Hermione, no!" All three yelled simultaneously, but it was too late. They ran to the ledge, and everything felt like someone had doused it in heavy treacle. They hit the ledge in slow motion, just in time to see their friend hit the ground, with a sickening 'splat'.

Ginny's stomach heaved, and she saw her breakfast for the second time. Then she felt the entire world go away, and all she could see was darkness, seeping into her soul...

_"I need you to know_

_I'm not through the night_

_Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light_

_I need you to know_

_That we'll be ok_

_Together we can make it through another day"_

"Ginny," shouted Hermione, shaking her slightly. "Ginny! Can you hear me?"

Ginny's eyes opened slowly, blearily. "Where am I," she asked. Her brain was quite fog-filled, and she didn't remember what had happened. Except...Hermione..."Hermione!"

"Ginny," Hermione demanded softly. "Ginny, you have to tell me something."

Ginny stared at her, confused. "Okay..." she said.

Hermione's look was nothing but concern, and she looked Ginny in the eye to ask her one simple question.

"Ginny," she began, and then paused before she continued.

"When was the last time you ate?"

**A/N: HA HA HA! I bet you weren't expecting that, eh? So, yeah. I realize that I'm not the greatest with characterization. But I tried…REVIEW! Please? It maketh me happy.**

**xoxo**

**Cadence Black**

**(The future Mrs. Pete Wentz)**


End file.
